When My Worlds Collide

I know I’ve been lacking in posts these past few month(or in general really lol). School has been kicking my butt. Sorry, yall. Hopefully this post will do something for you.

These past three years, I’ve been so secretive with my hobbies. Blogging, crafting, smoking weed (that’s the newest hobby). I’m ready to come out of the fog and introduce you guys to my true life.

When I made this blog, it was just to complain, but then it grew into something else… Something that I can be okay with.

I don’t know a lot of things about myself, and because I’m 20, now, I really think it’s time to go on that journey.

My name is Caitlynne. I live in Oregon, USA. I want to start a board game company. I’m in college studying for web design. I love sweaters, ferrets, manga, anime, and cute things. I’m the type of person who needs to have someone around, whether it be a friend or a relationship.

I have social media that you can follow if you want.

Snapchat- redditmonster

Twitter- watrslooth
Here’s hope that we can restart as being my truest self

-Caitlynne

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A Long Overdue Post About How I Suck

Oh boy!  Almost a month without a post from me. Have you guys ever seen that from me? well, technically when I first started blogging I left off for a month so oh well.

So, as you can see the title, I have many reasons to say why I suck and what I suck at.  And when I say I suck, I’m not actually trying to hate myself, I’m just being self-deprecating

1. My Diet

A couple of months ago, I posted something related to how I was going to get healthy and stuff.
I never even started exercising. That was such an easy thing to do for me

ps that was sarcasm
So here I am, sitting in my room with garbage and clothes everywhere.

2. My Messy Room

I’d show you, but that’s a no from me.
I moved here In August. I still don’t have my bookshelf from my ex, and my desk broke when I moved so, I’m still using my computer on my dresser, which has gotten incredibly annoying. I bought a PS4 last week and I planned to put it and my TV on my dresser while my computer sat on my desk.

Apparently, life wants to fuck me with a fork

3. My Car Has Problems

So, just in general my cars lots of issues. Sparkplugs, air filter, a new seal for my sunroof, there’s a short in my hazards, my window switch needs to be replaced… I feel like I can go on lol.

I guess those are some reasons why I SUCK at being human sometimes.

I love you all and I hope to get another post out because I’ve been really busy with school and work. My next post may not even be up for another couple weeks.

Oh well. I hope you have a good day!

-Caitlynne

Problems In My Life| Rant

Today’s post will definitely be a rant. Just a good old rant about things in my life that I hate right now. Fate is not on my side and oh boy is my side troublesome.

Love

I’m not looking to date just yet. It hasn’t even hit 2 months since my ex and I broke up. I’m okay with being single for a while. It’s been hard to adjust back to the regular attention that I get from the people in my life without the attention of a SO. Yeah, I’ve been lonely and need some attention. I just want the love aspect of a relationship without the boy to bog me down. Don’t even get me started on my sex life.

 

Car

So, the thing with my car has been a rollercoaster of a ride. I’ve driven since then ONCE. My car has needed work, so my family and I have been getting it sorted out, but my aunt needs to find the title to the car before I can legally start driving it. I need to go to the DEQ and replace the tags, and I need a title change. I’ve had car insurance on it for a week now. I’m getting tired of asking people for rides to places. I will definitely need it before next week. I start classes then and if I’m still asking for rides, I will be pissed off.

My Room

So, a week or two ago, I said in a post that my room was a mess. Well, it still is. I still need a new desk and I need my bookshelf from my ex. I asked him recently when his dad could take it off the wall, he just responds with “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”

 

Honestly, my life is a trash fire right now and I just needed to rant

-Caitlynne

The Fate: Part 2

The world brightened as the Fate woke up. Her eyes fluttered opened. She woke up to see herself tied to a dining chair. What? She looked for the girl that hit her. She was sitting at the Fate’s desk, trying to match herself with someone. “Why won’t it work?” she yelled. “Because that’s not how it works.” The Fate spoke. The girl frantically turned around “How does it work, then? I need to do this.” “You’re trying to match yourself with your ex, aren’t you? How did you get here anyway?” “He and I didn’t date, I just need to do this for his sake.” she said as she avoided the Fate’s second question. “Why? Is he dying? Can you not live without him?” “His fiance is a manipulative bitch and he’s marrying her tomorrow.” The girl said, staring at the computer screen. “Sucks. If they’re meant to be, I’ll see to it. Now, can you untie me, so I can check?” The Fate finished as the girl turned to face her again. The Fate smiled innocently as she gestured to her hands with her head. The girl sighed and stood up. She walked over to the Fate. She untied the rope from the hands and feet of the Fate. “Okay, let’s look at his profile. What’s his name?” The Fate sat at her desk. “Devin Torrence.” The girl hovered above the Fate. The Fate typed in his name. “So, he’s engaged to Beatrice O’Leary- oof their relationship is not the smoothest. How did they even get engaged?” The Fate looked into their profiles. “She’s horrible to everyone except him. His friends all hate her, he just refuses to see it.” “Well, how are you in his life?” The Fate turned around and asked. The girl froze. “I- well… We’ve been friends for a long time.” The Fate turned back around.’

“So, you’re Julia Vendes?” “How’d you find out?” “I have connections, you know.”

The Fate: Part 1

The lonely fate sat at her desk, matching couples before she left for her morning jog. She began to hum one of her favorite songs to cure the little boredom that built up. She loved her job, she wanted to do this for eternities. Lucky for her, she did. She matched one last couple and stood up from her desk. She changed into her exercise clothes and left for her jog.

The fate came back sweaty and out of breath. She kicked off her shoes and started undressing to bathe herself. As she walked past her desk, she noticed that the last couple she matched, unmatched. What is this? She thought to herself. This is the first time since I started that this has happened. Maybe one of them died. The fate pulled out the handbook of her fate duties. She opened it to the end of the book, looking through the index. If I don’t find it here, may as well talk to one of the other fates. She turned the pages of the book to the page reading “Couples That Unmatch.” She began to read. “Couples that unmatch from each other represents one of them suddenly dies. If they had been matched for an extended period of time represents them drifting away from each other and they do not have matches for the rest of their lives. You may rematch them if you take pity on them.” The fate closed the book. “Hm.” She looked back at the couple. The cut in their match looked nothing like her fate scissors. She opened her desk drawer and held onto the scissors that were born into her hands. The gold and red scissors shined in the light as she compared the cut with the scissors. “No fate did this.” She tossed them back into the drawer and signed. She decided to wait until after her shower and left her desk. She walked into her room. The fate opened her closet to grab some clean clothes. Out of the blue, someone grabbed her from behind. “Wha-.” She tried to say as her mouth was covered. “Listen to me and listen good. I refuse to be matched by someone who will push me back with that psychopath. If I’m getting matched by someone, it’ll be me.” Suddenly her world turned to pitch black.

My Room is a Pigsty || Life Adventures

The end of August really went by slowly for me, not gonna lie. I felt like all I was doing was sitting around at my house or at work. Which funny enough, is really only what I do.

Lately, when I go to hang out with people I watch anime (which has been going on for a long time) or playing DnD with some friends.

When I moved out of my ex’s house, my desk broke. So, right now I am just using my dresser as a desk. Here’s a lil peek 20180902_1031098622225387059775497.jpg

Bleugh picture I know. I just took it.

But since my desk broke, I’m looking for another desk, but I need to take measurements of where it’ll be going but I’ve been busy stressing about life. It doesn’t help that I don’t have my bookshelf yet either. My ex’s dad has been busy with work and hasn’t been able to take it off the wall.

If anyone saw my room, they’d feel very uncomfortable.

I go back to school at the tail end of the month, so I really can’t wait to stop lounging at my house. I’ve gained 20 lbs just from sitting at home. So, expect a post telling you about college!

I still haven’t gotten a car even though I have my license. Well, I have a car. It just has a short in the hazard lights. So I have to take it to a shop and wait a couple weeks just for that to go by.  Currently, it’s just sitting in my grandpa’s driveway. Exhausting, I know. Trust me. It’s not like I want to ask people for rides to work and home or to hang out days.

At least my birthday is next month, right? I’ll be turning 20!

-Caitlynne

2 Year Blogiversary!

I know I already had a post come out today but I don’t care.

Honestly, what can I say? Thank you for being the only one to talk to? Thank you for sticking around for 2 years?

First and foremost: Thank you. Thank you for all of your support these past 2 years. I’m still so happy that I have you guys to support me.

I know this summer has been uneventful post wise, but I do have plans for my future, I just have been super busy with work, traveling and my break up.

I can’t announce any new stuff coming up other than school (I’ll post about it later), and I can’t do a room tour because my room is still a mess.

I really just wanted to say thank you for being with me.

And I know some of you may think “She’s been around for 2 years and hasn’t hit 200 yet?”

Listen I’m not a popular person to want to know about, okay? LEAVE ME ALONE ;-;

I do really owe you guys though, so I want to do a giveaway or a Q&A or something. Let me know what I should do!!

I love you all, really.

-Caitie

My Home||Poem

I take a hit off my pipe and sit

and wander

to a different place and time

where things were good

My path is lit by small candles

to take me to my home

My home of peace, solitude, and

a place to be myself

I can’t really be myself in public, right?

 

Mental Health Update #1

There’s a person we all want to be. Whether you become a stoner or a fitness fanatic, it’s something you worked hard on to become. The person I want to be is happy. To become the person I want to be, I have to do something about my feelings, may as well put them here, right? You guys are always here for me when I need you and you won’t shun me unless I do something REALLY stupid.

With these posts, I will be talking about the big things that affect my mental health each week. These are similar to my life update posts, but these are telling you what mentally happened to me. So, let’s get going, shall we?

1. Boyfriend and I broke up

This happened late last month, actually, but I didn’t want to announce it yet. 

So, if you’ve been following me for a while, my (ex) boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years. Last August I moved in with him and his family when they moved. After we came back from camping, I was going through some stuff and it came out that he wanted to end the relationship. He said that he still loved me(I kind of don’t believe it), and I obviously still loved him (still do). We had to wait a couple weeks until I found a secure place to move with Bean. Last weekend I moved in with one of my best friends and her parents. He and I are still going to be friends.

Things don’t feel like that though.

Ever since I moved out, he’s been as cold and distant as ever (I expected that so don’t call me a cold-hearted bitch). I know he’s going through some issues, especially with his anxiety. But he won’t even talk to me. He only talks to the rest of our friends, which I get. He doesn’t want to see me because it hurts. But, I can’t tell if he wants to be my friend or not because he doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t say a word to me. Any time that we had been in a car by ourselves after our breakup. it’s been dead silent.

Another thing related to this, I had a dream a couple days ago that he was already looking around for another girlfriend (which definitely hurt when I woke up) and I had noticed that he and the friend I moved in with talk more than he and I do. That somehow got into my head that they have a thing going on behind my back. I still don’t know what to believe with that.

This is turning into a rant about my ex lol.

2. Depression

This goes hand in hand with my breakup. Ever since he and I broke up, the sad little monkey on my back has returned and has been beating my brain to a pulp. It’s telling me that I will die alone or none of my friends like me, or that my ex wants me to die… Stuff like that. I can’t confirm whether these things are true or not. I don’t think I need antidepressants or therapy because I know that with time, this will heal. It has happened before. When my grandmother died, I was like this. I just need a couple months to heal this pain.

 

I know these sound very extreme, and my friends will probably be concerned, but none of my offline friends read my blog, so I should be good. I hope this didn’t depress you too much. I’m just going through heartbreak pain, I’ll be okay soon… Hopefully.

If you need anyone to talk to about important topics like these, I’m in the same boat, we could talk.

If you cannot talk to anyone with similar topics above, please do something about it. Write it down, schedule a therapy session, or use Vent. Vent is an app that you vent feelings to. Trust me, you’ll need. Even I use it. Push here to go.

Well, this ends today’s sad depressing talk about my sad depressing life. I hope you have a good day. I’m working on my depression, don’t worry too much. I’m always available to talk if you need it.

Peace out ✌

Legally Driving??|| Life Adventures

Wow, it sure has been a while since I posted one of these Or in general. My life has been kind of crazy lately and I wanted to blog about it. So, let’s start out with the obvious…

I got my license

For not many of you, you could possibly remember my post two years ago saying that I got my permit. That just seems crazy to me. The end of this month will be my blogiversary of 2 years and to think that I got my license before it is pretty exciting. I don’t have a running car yet, so I can’t drive myself until I do, so that means I’ll be hitching rides and walking to places until then lol.

School’s starting up again

You know what that means! More school posts! *cheers* woo! yeah! But on the other hand, I may have to take out loans for school due to the fact that I took too many credits last year and my school has a limit on credits with financial aid. I’m currently trying to get an extension, but we’ll see

I’ll be seeing you in the future

-Caitlynne