Mental Health Update #1

There’s a person we all want to be. Whether you become a stoner or a fitness fanatic, it’s something you worked hard on to become. The person I want to be is happy. To become the person I want to be, I have to do something about my feelings, may as well put them here, right? You guys are always here for me when I need you and you won’t shun me unless I do something REALLY stupid.

With these posts, I will be talking about the big things that affect my mental health each week. These are similar to my life update posts, but these are telling you what mentally happened to me. So, let’s get going, shall we?

1. Boyfriend and I broke up

This happened late last month, actually, but I didn’t want to announce it yet. 

So, if you’ve been following me for a while, my (ex) boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years. Last August I moved in with him and his family when they moved. After we came back from camping, I was going through some stuff and it came out that he wanted to end the relationship. He said that he still loved me(I kind of don’t believe it), and I obviously still loved him (still do). We had to wait a couple weeks until I found a secure place to move with Bean. Last weekend I moved in with one of my best friends and her parents. He and I are still going to be friends.

Things don’t feel like that though.

Ever since I moved out, he’s been as cold and distant as ever (I expected that so don’t call me a cold-hearted bitch). I know he’s going through some issues, especially with his anxiety. But he won’t even talk to me. He only talks to the rest of our friends, which I get. He doesn’t want to see me because it hurts. But, I can’t tell if he wants to be my friend or not because he doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t say a word to me. Any time that we had been in a car by ourselves after our breakup. it’s been dead silent.

Another thing related to this, I had a dream a couple days ago that he was already looking around for another girlfriend (which definitely hurt when I woke up) and I had noticed that he and the friend I moved in with talk more than he and I do. That somehow got into my head that they have a thing going on behind my back. I still don’t know what to believe with that.

This is turning into a rant about my ex lol.

2. Depression

This goes hand in hand with my breakup. Ever since he and I broke up, the sad little monkey on my back has returned and has been beating my brain to a pulp. It’s telling me that I will die alone or none of my friends like me, or that my ex wants me to die… Stuff like that. I can’t confirm whether these things are true or not. I don’t think I need antidepressants or therapy because I know that with time, this will heal. It has happened before. When my grandmother died, I was like this. I just need a couple months to heal this pain.

 

I know these sound very extreme, and my friends will probably be concerned, but none of my offline friends read my blog, so I should be good. I hope this didn’t depress you too much. I’m just going through heartbreak pain, I’ll be okay soon… Hopefully.

If you need anyone to talk to about important topics like these, I’m in the same boat, we could talk.

If you cannot talk to anyone with similar topics above, please do something about it. Write it down, schedule a therapy session, or use Vent. Vent is an app that you vent feelings to. Trust me, you’ll need. Even I use it. Push here to go.

Well, this ends today’s sad depressing talk about my sad depressing life. I hope you have a good day. I’m working on my depression, don’t worry too much. I’m always available to talk if you need it.

Peace out ✌

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One thought on “Mental Health Update #1

  1. I’m sorry to hear about what’s been going on. What you said about your ex – giving lip service to wanting to still be friends, being cold and distant in practice, talking to your mutual friends more than he talks to you, and the possibility of something else going on – has a lot of echoes of a breakup I went through a few years ago (although I had no idea that there was someone else involved until a couple months later). That’s all so hard, and I’m sorry you have to go through all that. (I had a recent post that was a letter to an ex that I’ll never send and she’ll never see; this is who it was for.) I don’t know you very well, or at all in person, but please let me know if you ever need to talk, or if you just need reassurance that there is someone out there who likes you and doesn’t want you to die.

    Liked by 1 person

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