Things I Want to Do But Don’t Know How to Start

Hi everyone! Today’s post is a shorty. I’ve had this post in my drafts for over 2 months now because I don’t know how to make it any better. I’ve tried and tried, but words just never flowed. So, today I’m debuting it to you all as is. I hope you enjoy!

Doing new things can always be hard for some. Whether it be something easy to do, or something incredibly hard that barely anyone can handle. With today’s post, I’ll be introducing what I’d love to do, I just don’t know how to start!

  • Start a podcast
  • Make candles
  • Start a board game company
  • Start fostering ferrets
  • Start painting for fun
  • Garden more
  • Learn how to knit
  • Learn how to use a sewing machine
  • Get better at interior design
  • Create and sell a board game
  • Learn how to cross stitch
  • Learn how to embroider
  • Write and finish a book
  • Write a web novel
  • Build a custom cage for my ferret
  • Find a good diet and stick to it
  • Collaborate more
  • Learn how to mod the Sims games

My Friend’s Negativity

So, you might be confused by the title. This post is not about my current friends. My current friends are amazing for me. They don’t cause any drama for me, they can handle jokes, etc.

This post is about my old friends. My high school friends. I hate talking about them this way because they were a staple in my life for a long time, but some things end for the better. I won’t say names, or be too vague or too specific (that got me in trouble last time). I’ll change names if I have to.

My friends were pretty negative people. Some of them had depression, some of them were transgender or just gay. Either way, they had started at least one fight in our friend group. I’m not trying to point fingers, and I know I did wrong too. This is about how they affected me negatively. And, because they were so toxic for me, they taught me to grow and learn from them. It’s because of them I have my new friends. So, let’s lead into how they were toxic.

Drama every week

Or at least it felt like it. The first 2 years were rough. There was a fight at the table once or twice a week. I will say, that I fueled some of those fires. There was a couple in the group who were very toxic to each other’s health. The girl was controlling and kind of rude(you’ll remember her) and the boy needed help with depression and finding his true self (the girl inside him). My best friend at the time hated the girl and was very close to the boy. During our sophomore year, they broke up and things were better. The girl started to fit the group more by getting to know the people in it, rather than sticking to her best friend. while the boy transitioned.

Big changes to me

At the end of that year, my grandmother died. I only told the people that were closest to me (my boyfriend and 2 of my best friends) about her death. This really affected how I saw my friends over the summer break. When school came back, I was meek and more introverted than I had ever been.- and I was a social butterfly. I stopped talking to everyone during lunch, I did all of my homework in class, and when I got home, I just sat around (playing games and watch youtube).

Junior year was everyone’s discovery year. Gays were discovered but not announced, hobbies were found, and we started to find ourselves. My ex (we broke up this past summer. Now friends, we’re cool guys) started to hang out more with his “guy friends”. They were his middle school friends before he joined our group. They all knew who I was, but didn’t know about me. They only saw me as his girlfriend. I had Choir with some of them, and that’s all they knew about me.

When Junior year came to an end, we were all ecstatic and confused. People came out and were supported. Some got jobs, for me, all I did was lounge at home or be with my ex. I was still recovering from my grandmother passing (honestly I still am). That was the summer of my discovery. I asked my ex if I should a blog, and he asked what was stopping me.

That was the summer I was done with everyone’s shit. I wanted to be an individual, write my own story, become myself. I got my permit and started this blog before senior year.

The Discovery

Tip to Be Successful #1. Don’t talk shit about people online at all whatsoever, because they’ll find it.

That girl from before? Well, during Junior year, she got herself another boyfriend. When she’s in a relationship, (at least at the time) she became toxic. She was mean and nasty. She talked behind everyone’s backs. I was lonely during Junior year and got really close to her. So, I joined in on her negative actions. I wasn’t taking that in Senior year. She and her boyfriend were negative together. Well, I talked badly about most of my friends at the start of my blogging career (I feel bad now, but I wasn’t in a good place. It’s my fault, but everyone’s actions caused it).

The couple found my blog and we quietly terminated the friendship. I wasn’t ready to talk to her until a couple days before graduation. No matter what people believed, I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to face her, not until I did some real hard thinking. After the apology, the counselor asked if we thought we could be friends again. She said yes. I didn’t want to be friends with her after all she had done to me over the years. I responded with “I’m just not ready to be friends again” or something like that. We left quietly and didn’t speak until October at our mutual friends birthday dinner. The last time we spoke was at the same mutual friends birthday party last year. We were civil and had a good conversation both times, but I think we’re too different to be friends now.


Now, my life feels dramatically different than what I was like in high school. I don’t hang out with pretty much all of those friends anymore. I only hang out with two, and I see a couple every once in a while. Now, I hang out with my ex and his guy friends. They accepted me when we were together, and when we broke up.

I know I talked about my ex a lot, but 5 years is a long time.

He’s kind of the reason why I met and started dating my boyfriend now. If I left the group when we broke up, I wouldn’t have started thinking he was cute. I really appreciate my ex for what he’s done for me. He is probably the reason why I’m this way now.

My boyfriend now, he’s really caring. He makes me so happy, and when I’m upset, he will use all his power to make me talk to him and get me in a better mood. He changed his days off for me- and he works full time. That’s not common in America anymore. We’re both very similar and I love him so very much.

My high school friends really affected me. Maybe it wasn’t as negative as I thought…


What I Love About Winter

First post of the year! How exciting! I can’t believe that I’m finally posting this so late into the month. I’ve been working on a bigger project for the blog while looking for a new job, so I’ve been a little bit packed with stuff.. sorry y’all lol.

January is the second month of Winter (and the first full one). It’s the time for setting goals (and ultimately ending them before you can start them!) and relaxing after the holidays. Some people love everything about this time of year. The snow, the cold, really anything. Today, I will be sharing what I love about Winter (see title of post).

What I love includes:

  • I can wear sweaters
    • I honestly prefer sweaters over hoodies or sweatshirts. Winter is the time of year where I can wear a sweater and also a raincoat without being judged. Sweaters are my aesthetic and I will flaunt the shit out of that!
  • Fireplaces
    • Like in Summer, I love looking at campfires. It’s such a relaxing feeling you get while cozying up by a fire with someone or people you love. One of my first dates with my boyfriend was eating Chinese food and sitting by a fire (that he made. He looked very attractive while making it). Fireplaces are the way to go in the winter.
  • Winter Boots
    • I know this is kind of weird on its own, deal with it. I have Bearpaw heel winter boots that are the cutest pair of boots I’ve ever owned to date. Winter is the only time that I feel good wearing them. Yeah, I can wear them in Fall and early Spring, but Winter is the time where my toes are always cold (poor blood circulation) and my boots keep them warm!
  • It’s heated blanket season yall
    • Do I really need to say more?
  • My allergies aren’t as awful
    • I have awful seasonal allergies. Pollen, grass, dust mites, and mold. There aren’t that many ways to combat my allergies in the Spring. With three of my allergies, I can just avoid them easily. Don’t sit in the grass and clean the heck out of my house. Pollen causes hayfever. I have to take an allergy pill every day as is, but I don’t go outside in the Spring. In Winter, all I have to do is clean, and that feels amazing.
  • There are no bugs
    • I hate bugs.
  • I don’t sweat unless the heats on too high.

If you’ve noticed by now, Snow isn’t on the list. I absolutely hate snow. I love playing in it with my friends, but I’ve had a lot of car issues since getting my car and I’m not excited to drive to work in ice. You see, in my area, we don’t get beautiful puffy snow. We get ice. No one knows how to drive in snow. Hell, I live in Oregon and no one knows how to drive in the RAIN. I’m just salty, though.

There are many other things that should go on this list, but these are many favorites. I know some people will be upset with my maybe controversial opinion, but oh well.

Also! With my bigger project for the blog in the works, I’ll only be posting Friday and Wednesday. This’ll be a good schedule for me, and you. So expect something on Wednesday the 23rd!


New post Every Wednesday and Friday!

My New Year Changes and Resolutions

So, I’ve been embarrassingly lazy and flaky these past couple months.


It’s been bad guys.

I don’t even really know why, either. I’ve been kind of busy with my friends and personal life. Work is getting harder for me, I’ve been hanging out with my friends a lot, and I started a new relationship with one of the best guys ever (Side note: recently told him about the blog and he said it was cool. He has yet to ask to read it, and I’m not ready for that lol).

So, I’m ready to start blogging again. I’m ready to actually get good. Let’s make some changes, y’all.

My Changes for This Next Year:

  1. Being Healthier- cut out a lot of the unneeded sugars, I want to exercise at least once a week, man, and I loved the feelings meditation brought me, and I miss it.
  2. Living Cleaner- I just want a clean room, with no trash or dirty dishes!
  3. Save The Environment- I want to use my reusable bags, buy more reusable things, and start using environment-friendly stuff!

With these changes, I’ll be set for (a better) successful year! I’ll be full of life and happiness again- and honestly, who wouldn’t want that? These changes will have some effect on my resolutions, though. I don’t have that many resolutions, but my changes and resolutions go toe in toe with each other.

My Resolutions will be:

  • Fix my car- For this, I will need money, that means I have to start saving.
  • Start saving money- Not just for the car, though. For emergency funds, or for when I eventually get my own place.
  • Find and keep a stable job- I don’t hate what I do right now, it’s my manager and the customers that I hate dealing with.

I hope to complete all of these, and I may just be putting a lot of pressure on myself, but I really believe I can actually be better at my goals this incoming year. I don’t have a set time period to start/end these. I want to slowly incorporate these changes and resolutions into my life. I want these changes to stay with me for my life, while my resolutions are short-term goals.

What about you guys?


The New Year

December is always a month of unorganized chaos for everyone. Christmas, weather, anything can really affect your mental state this month. The end of the year is always stressful, you can’t get past it… Until Christmas is over. The last week of the year is the time to look back on the year and plan what you’ll change in the new year.

I know I’ve been absolutely awful at posting this year, and that’s something I’ll be changing in the new year… Hopefully.

This new year I’ll also be actually working on the board game I’ve worked on this year.

I know I’ve said this a lot already, but now I’m ACTUALLY going to start working out


My Situation with College

Recently, I discovered that I hate continuing my education. It’s gotten to the point of me choosing not to do my homework (except for some things) until the end of the term. I know this won’t come with any consequences. I am 95% sure that I will not go back to school after my break. 

Not because I hate doing my homework, or something. School just isn’t for me, anymore. I originally wanted to get a certificate in Web Design, but the classes I’ve been taking made me realize how that’s not for me at all. With my new found knowledge, I want to take my career path in a different direction. 

My friend recently talked about how he hates what he’s going to school for, but he still wants to further his education. So he’ll be talking to his adviser about changing his program. He said that I should wait until the end of my break to see if I still want to go to school (something I already knew but oh well lol). During my break, I’ll be working on what I want to do if I don’t go back to school: Board Game Development. 

I’ve wanted to create a board game for almost 2 years now. I’ve had multiple ideas for some, but I’ve really only stuck through one. My current one, actually. It’s very similar to the game Werewolf/Mafia, but with my ideas shoved in. I will eventually tell you guys about it, but I’m not ready to introduce it.

And now, here I am, stuck in limbo until school ends on the 8th. I really can’t wait, and I’m so so SO excited to not have school for almost four months. I’m ready for the relief of stress to engulf me. I’m ready to pick up my shattered brain from the floor. 

It’s finally time for me to stop wondering what I’ll do in my life, and now to actually do what I want.


Changing My Ways For Real This Time #1

I decided to change my life. I’m diving into making myself better. For real this time.

I have always dealt with an amount of sadness deep into my core. I’ve lived a pretty rough life so far, and that sadness has amounted to weighing me down. I always feel that the world is on my shoulders, like “If I screw this up, everyone around me will fall too.” I’m ready for this to stop.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up since July. As I write this it’s his birthday. He and I are still friends, it feels better to just be friends too. But he and I were each other’s support systems during our relationship and now he’s struggling with depression. He’s currently taking anti-depressants. I want that, but not through medication. I want to rewire my brain without that help. I want to talk my feelings out of me, while I change my daily habits. If my habits changed, I really believe my thoughts will change.

The first thing I will be changing is stress.  Anything that stresses me, I will work on. The first item on the list is school. I decided to take Winter term off of school, maybe even Spring. During this break, I’ll be working at my job, developing my board game, and cleaning up my life. Smashing out those unnecessary things, like donating some books I don’t want anymore.

This stress also happens because of my laziness. I will be working on my diet and slowly start working out. It’s not something high on my priority list, but I want to live a little bit healthier.

So, at the start of December, I will be finally changing my habits.


When My Worlds Collide

I know I’ve been lacking in posts these past few month(or in general really lol). School has been kicking my butt. Sorry, yall. Hopefully this post will do something for you.

These past three years, I’ve been so secretive with my hobbies. Blogging, crafting, smoking weed (that’s the newest hobby). I’m ready to come out of the fog and introduce you guys to my true life.

When I made this blog, it was just to complain, but then it grew into something else… Something that I can be okay with.

I don’t know a lot of things about myself, and because I’m 20, now, I really think it’s time to go on that journey.

My name is Caitlynne. I live in Oregon, USA. I want to start a board game company. I’m in college studying for web design. I love sweaters, ferrets, manga, anime, and cute things. I’m the type of person who needs to have someone around, whether it be a friend or a relationship.

I have social media that you can follow if you want.

Snapchat- redditmonster

Twitter- watrslooth
Here’s hope that we can restart as being my truest self


A Long Overdue Post About How I Suck

Oh boy!  Almost a month without a post from me. Have you guys ever seen that from me? well, technically when I first started blogging I left off for a month so oh well.

So, as you can see the title, I have many reasons to say why I suck and what I suck at.  And when I say I suck, I’m not actually trying to hate myself, I’m just being self-deprecating

1. My Diet

A couple of months ago, I posted something related to how I was going to get healthy and stuff.
I never even started exercising. That was such an easy thing to do for me

ps that was sarcasm
So here I am, sitting in my room with garbage and clothes everywhere.

2. My Messy Room

I’d show you, but that’s a no from me.
I moved here In August. I still don’t have my bookshelf from my ex, and my desk broke when I moved so, I’m still using my computer on my dresser, which has gotten incredibly annoying. I bought a PS4 last week and I planned to put it and my TV on my dresser while my computer sat on my desk.

Apparently, life wants to fuck me with a fork

3. My Car Has Problems

So, just in general my cars lots of issues. Sparkplugs, air filter, a new seal for my sunroof, there’s a short in my hazards, my window switch needs to be replaced… I feel like I can go on lol.

I guess those are some reasons why I SUCK at being human sometimes.

I love you all and I hope to get another post out because I’ve been really busy with school and work. My next post may not even be up for another couple weeks.

Oh well. I hope you have a good day!


Problems In My Life| Rant

Today’s post will definitely be a rant. Just a good old rant about things in my life that I hate right now. Fate is not on my side and oh boy is my side troublesome.


I’m not looking to date just yet. It hasn’t even hit 2 months since my ex and I broke up. I’m okay with being single for a while. It’s been hard to adjust back to the regular attention that I get from the people in my life without the attention of a SO. Yeah, I’ve been lonely and need some attention. I just want the love aspect of a relationship without the boy to bog me down. Don’t even get me started on my sex life.



So, the thing with my car has been a rollercoaster of a ride. I’ve driven since then ONCE. My car has needed work, so my family and I have been getting it sorted out, but my aunt needs to find the title to the car before I can legally start driving it. I need to go to the DEQ and replace the tags, and I need a title change. I’ve had car insurance on it for a week now. I’m getting tired of asking people for rides to places. I will definitely need it before next week. I start classes then and if I’m still asking for rides, I will be pissed off.

My Room

So, a week or two ago, I said in a post that my room was a mess. Well, it still is. I still need a new desk and I need my bookshelf from my ex. I asked him recently when his dad could take it off the wall, he just responds with “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”


Honestly, my life is a trash fire right now and I just needed to rant