Mental Health: A Priority Unkept|| The Big Ones

The year after I graduated high school, two students (I didn’t know personally) commit suicide. This happens every four or five years and the only thing that the school district did was allow posters around the campus. The students were the ones to take action, with a mental health week, a club, and just talking about it. I have this one memory of my friend handing out bracelets that only said “talk about it”. I hope it was effective for her, considering the fact that she was questioning her gender at the time and also battling her case of lifelong depression.

It seems very important to be the one in charge in any situation or relationship, but sometimes, you need to put your state of mind over anything else.

Your mental health affects your everything. Your life, career… well I could go on.

Let’s talk about mental health. This could mean anything different when compared to a group of people.

I’m not a counselor or a therapist, but I’ve had my fair share and a little more of shit, and I’m ready to talk about it.

Details, details, details.

Now, I’m not going to go into my history too deep in each post, but I’ll say the big ones. You know the big ones. The pitiful reminders that created your negative side. You could think of its cousin, the little voice in your head telling you to jump in a pit of lava.

The big ones are those reminders telling you to stay the same way forever.

Every Tuesday coming forth (until I run out), I will be tackling a Big One, telling readers about how it came and how I recovered. Some of these may still be recurring, where I just can’t escape my past, but I’ll still talk about it.

Most of the will have no trigger warning, except maybe one. My life has not been that extreme.

So, I hope you join me next week for my journey to tackle the Big Ones.

-Caitlynne

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My Summer Looks|| Sailor Caitie

My Summer Looks|| Sailor Caitie

Today’s post is a little different than what you usually see from me. I’ve been wanting to do this for quite some time now, and since I have more time for you, I want to do it. You do get to see my nasty grow out, but I miss my blonde hair so, look at my maroon gross

The theme for this lookbook will be pretty simple, but simple is okay, sometimes.

Here are three outfits that I wear for summer!

Outfit #1

This yellow floral dress I bought when I was with friends and they convinced me to buy. Typically, I don’t wear dresses or skirts. I own them, I like to try them on, just not wear them. With this dress, I wore to finish some important paperwork for work, and I felt like a phoenix rises from ashes. The shoes I have on are flats with a gold bar across the toe

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I bought the dress at Ross so I couldn’t tell you where to buy it, but it’s by Derek Heart. The shoes are from Target by A New Day.

Outfit #2

This is what I typically wear when I’m lounging at home, or going out to get takeout or fast food, or if I just need to do some small errands around town. Typically I just wear sweatpants, or baggy pajama pants, a grungy tank top, and old sandals. 201806181234418685380748739183307.jpg

Outfit #3

This is what I consider “me”. I have always worn jeans and tee-shirts. I seem to gravitate towards really cool, nerdy shirts with bootcut jeans. Yeah, I like wearing stylish clothes, but I will always love me a good graphic tee with a pun or a game on it.

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I would have loved to tell you the brands of my last two outfits, but I’ve had these clothes for years, to the point of me not having any labels on them anymore lol. I took these photos at my local community park and pond. If you look closely into the 3rd outfit picture, you can see the bench from the 1st outfit picture ^~^

Anyway, I guess I better get going. I gotta work in the afternoon tomorrow and it’s 11:30pm as I finish typing this up lol.

Enjoy the ride!

-Caitlynne

School Update & My Plans For The Summer

I know it’s been two weeks since you’ve seen a post from me, but oh well. I just need a kick in the butt to get going on my next posts! And that kick should be coming real soon!

I’m done with my first year of college! Considering I will probably only have two, that is pretty good to me. So, that means I get more time to work on the blog, my game, and more.

(That’s not a secret more, I just have stuff to do all of July)

I guess I should now say my plans for the summer and why I’m so busy in July.

This Month (June)

Honestly, I’m probably going to be working for the rest of the month, other than hanging out with friends and lounging at home.

I will hopefully get another post or two out before the end, but I may get lazy.

July

So, I have 3 major reasons why July is so busy for me.

  1. I’m going to my boyfriend’s grandparents house for the week of 4th of July (Independence Day in US). That means, we’ll hitch our stuff up (& Bean), pick up his aunt from the airport, and go to the neighboring state!
  2. I have my Driver’s License test on the 18th. I doubt I ‘ll pass, but everyone around me seems to disagree. I picked up to driving pretty well and Gage seems to think that I’ll pass.
  3. I’m going to a pirate festival! I’ll be gone the 19th-21st. I literally get the results of my drive test the day before and then we will know if I could drive there or not (probably not because my boyfriend is used to driving, and I kind of scare him).

August

This is another month of me probably not doing much. Obviously other than working and blogging, I’ll most likely be lounging at home, or with friends.

I know I’ll be getting ready for classes for when they come back in September. I definitely want to keep blogging through these months and working on the game*.

Other than that, I should see you in a couple days or so, have a good rest of your week!

I was featured on Alanna’s blog! She and I had the most delightful interview and I wanted to give her some recognition for having me on! Go on over to her blog and read my interview, follow her too!

press here to go to Allana’s blog and read my interview!

-Caitie

*The site for the game should be coming up soon, I promise

Kickstart My Life pt.1: Exercising

Kickstart My Life pt.1: Exercising

My life has gotten to the point where either I’m at school, at work, or sitting in my room. Some people actually have to nerve to ask me to go places. Man, what if I just want to sit at home and relax, man!

This year has bee somewhat eventful for me. I started learning to drive (my permit expires in August), scheduled my driver’s test, got a new job, and I have committed my career to being a full-time blogger (hopefully).

I’m even getting my plans for moving out with my boyfriend and our best friend ready, so I’ll we’ll have to do is find a place that will accept us and Bean.

As the year goes on, I’ve completed most of my new year’s resolutions, but there’s always one that I have to do.

The one no one likes starting. The one where you have to forfeit your time and sleep for.

Exercising.

I know it’s not a big deal to some, but I’ve been trying to revolutionize my life since I graduated high school- and next month, it’ll be a year.

What have I done to show that I’m a better person now?

I still dress the same (mostly), I still hang out with some of the same people.

This is the one thing that I need to left to kickstart my new life after one year of no high school.

My Actual Diet

I practically eat garbage. I know how to cook easy things (mac and cheese isn’t actually too healthy yall lol), and I drink 1, Dr. Pepper, a day, but I would like to cut it out either entirely or one small can a week. I need more essential food vitamins and etc. so I need to eat more meat, veggies, and fruit. I also have to cut out all of the fast food. So, I must say goodbye to McDonald’s and Dairy Queen.

The Exercise Part

OH BOY WILL THIS BE TOUGH

Gage also needs to lose weight, so he’ll be joining in on my diet and exercise. He plans on running (hopefully) every day before work/school.

I’m a noodle of a person so, I want to build all of my muscle.

So, my plan so far:

  • Squats, full and half
  • Use weights of various weights to build my arms
  • Run a half mile- mile
  • Maybe some yoga or pilates
  • Zumba would be really cool to do, too

So, that’s it. That’s what I plan to do in the incoming month(s).

Hopefully, I can stick to it.

I say as I eat Pringles.

-Caitie

OH! 

I got ko-fi gold! So, if you want to support me and help me with the game’s development, all you have to do is give me a dollar. If you want to go above and beyond, you can even become a monthly subscriber and you’ll be able to see subscriber-exclusive updates on the games I work on.

Head over to my page if you are interested in supporting me!

 

Why I Chose Board Games Over Books

Books have always been apart of my life. My mom read all of the Harry Potter series to my sister and me.  I’ve always had a bookshelf in my room. I have always loved reading, and I always will. But, I can’t grow up with my nose in a book. I have changed my reading style from anything to manga and sci-fi.

As high school droned on, I stepped away from books and started my long path to board games. I ordered Ultimate Werewolf and started a game night with my friends. As school went on, people changed, and tensions grew. At the last held game night, an old friend caused me to become angry all because they were talking while I was asking if everyone wanted to play again. We haven’t had a game night since then, and it sucks. I miss them terribly. I’ve joined in on Gage’s friends D&D/game nights, but I feel out of place there, even though I’m good friends with some of them.

As months passed, my little group of friends (leftover from high school) began to play board games with me. I collected more as time went on, and now I’m even in the process of developing one, and I couldn’t be happier.

 

With books, I was always alone, but with games, I always seem to have at least one friend.

I hope to announce my gaming site soon, but I need more to do, so you’ll have to stick around for a bit!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this- and if you want to know more about the game, support me via ko-fi or (when announced) follow my game site!

Have a good morning/day/night!

-Caitlynne

Looking Back: A Year Ago

Last year, I was different. This time specifically, I was dealing with blog and friend drama. A year has come and gone and I would love to analyze how I am compared to 2017. Let’s begin

MRW I am finally able to post - Imgur

2017- A Year of Shit.

  • Money
    • In the beginning of the year (Jan-April) I was broker than a broken stick. No money. Not a lick of it. I was hired late May for a sandwich company in the US which—I was paid well in the summer when I was getting like 20 hours a week. Throughout the rest of the year, I got lesser and lesser hours, ending with 12 by the time I “quit”.
  • Career
    • For all of 2017, I wanted to become an author. I wanted to get a Bachelors degree in Creative Writing. But, some things changed for me this year.
  • School
    • I was in high school. I lost a couple friends. After graduation, I lost more. I ended up with only staying with five, including Gage.
  • Home
    • Up until August, I lived at home with my parents, grandfather, and cat. It didn’t bother me that much. After August, I moved in with Gage and his family, not because I hated living in my old hillbilly town. I wanted to be an adult. I wanted to live my own life. Also because Gage can drive and I still have my permit. (I’m getting closer to my license, I swear)
  • Life
    • I was less happy then as I am now. Mentally, I grew to hate myself to the point where I’d say hateful things to myself in my head and let them stew there.
    • This was also when I got Bean early November.

2018- A Year of Good?

  • Money
    • Y’all, I have a good job. It pays the same, but I have the chance to have overtime.
    • I may only bag groceries and push carts, but it’s better than dealing with people say stuff like “You forgot tomatoes on my sandwich!”
    • I also have a credit card, so that’s fricken cool.
  • Career
    • I want to be a blogger, a board game creator, and a web designer.
    • I’m going to be getting a one-year certificate from my community college this time next year (hopefully)
  • School
    • Web Design soon. Right now, I have History of Rock&Roll, Computer Science, and Math
  • Home
    • Right now, living with Gage. Bean’s doing great btdubs. Next spring, we plan to move down south so Gage and our friend can finish their degrees while I work and take care Bean and Ryuji the fish. ( I don’t have a picture of Ryuji, but here’s Bean) 
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      Bean

       

       

  • Life
    • Mentally, I’m still bogged down, but I have people I can talk to who support me. I’m traumatized by my past mistakes and I may never get over them, but I have to move on.

 

As we all go through life, we have good days and bad days. It doesn’t matter how things go, it’s how you can move on, change your ways, learn to be a better person. You may lose a job, friends, and even family. Those good memories, good people, and animals are what you need in your life to be a better person, develop sweeter, grow happier as time goes on.

You change how you are, not the others around you. No one can change you. You are you.

-C

Why I Changed.

Why I Changed.

There can be many reasons why I left for a while. I love blogging and I love what person it has made me become. I just can’t stick to one thing for a long time. I tried being so many different blogging niches. Lifestyle, DIY, book, and even writing. They all didn’t feel good.

In lesser words: it sucked.

I hated it so much. I felt ingenuine, unpredictable, and just unoriginal.

I knew that if I ever planned to make money from my passions, I would have to do my own thing. So, I had to think about what I was good at.

Well, I didn’t know what I was good at.

Writing? Gage said I was good at writing and recommended I stick to it but was I really? I only ever got B’s or C’s on my essays in school.

This was when I realized I didn’t know what to do. I was lounging at home, avoiding the thought of my unsuccessful blog.

That’s when it popped into my head. I had been developing a board game for almost a year. I had been slowly working on it when I had the time between work, school, and personal life. Why don’t I just make the blog about what I really like? GAMES!

So, that’s what my plan was.

I wrote a post saying adieu for now and enjoyed my time away.

But the end of April loomed over my head. I realized that I had done nothing for most of the month. What was I going to do?

I changed the layout of the blog a couple times, made it feel more like me, and began writing this post. I made a plan for content and I started feeling better.

I wanted my blog to feel more like a place for me to talk.

If I decided to sell my board game (which I totally wanted to), I would need a place for my fans to go to, and I wanted this to be it, but not on its own. I created a site for just work on the board game, while this would turn into a place where I could talk about anything I wanted. I had an earlier post called Why Bloggers need niches, and it made me realize that I was doing exactly what I didn’t like. Making me focus on one thing. The concept that I said I didn’t like. So, I went a different path. I would be blogging about whatever I wanted to on this while talking about games and more on the other site.

Note: I will not be announcing it until I’m fully equipped with all of what I need.

I have also built up a fear of locals finding out about my blog and bullying me for it.

In the past, I had turned my blog into a diary and began to vent about things that upset me, specifically people. They found my blog and bad things occurred.  I’m trying to get over what they had done to me (and what I did to them), but I keep bullying myself. I’m terrified that people will find out what happened and hate me for it. That was a year ago and I’m different now. Hopefully different enough for them to keep their nose out of my business.

This is a big reason why I haven’t started a Facebook page, yet. I’m terrified of people finding out because I was a horrible person for what I did,  and I don’t want to be that again. I just want to move on and forget, but the past keeps holding me back. So, I don’t know what to do.

I want to be open about what I want to do as a career, but I’m scared about what people will do to me.

So, now what am I doing?

Well, I still don’t really have a grasp on everything yet, but it’s coming together. I have ideas on what to do, but nothing too exciting. You guys might see some playthroughs of games (both board and video) most likely here because I need to develop the game site still.

I also want to have guest posts and collaborations with people because I WANT FRIENDS (I really only have those people that I talk to every two months, so I’m gonna try harder I swear!). I also want my personal life friends to guest post because to get over my fear of the past, I want you and them to see what I do when I’m blogging and when I’m chilling at home.

Because I’m still going through a small mental crisis, I might not be as active blogging and on twitter. I hope you all still love me by the end of this ;-;

Comment down below what social media you think I should use!

I love you all!!

-Caitlynne

 

Changing For The Better.

Changing what you want to do is never really fun. Either you’re changing because you want to or you change because you have to.

This may come as a shock for some

I don’t like my content.

I felt like I’m whiny or trying to get pity points from you guys.

I’m not really a ‘beauty’ or a ‘lifestyle’ person. I really only like games. It’s sad to say, but I don’t feel like my writing abilities are capable of being novels, maybe not even short stories. I love reading, I don’t think I’m a good writer. I love games, though.

So, I guess it’s time for a change.

Since I want to change my content, I’m going to go on a hiatus. Don’t know how long, probably not too long though. I’m going to need time to get things going. Probably a couple weeks- maybe even all of April. The world may never know until I blog next.

For the time being, I will still be on Twitter, so hit me up there! (Shameless self-promo)

The blog won’t be updated until I’m done rebranding everything. I may even fully announce who I am (Like last name levels).

In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy the archives of what I have posted. I love you. Peace

-C

New in April!

New in April!

New month new content! I know I had a content crisis last month, but I’ve worked it out! I’m going to stick with my plan and see how it goes!

Since it’s a new month, I want to try and branch out. Break out of my cocoon full of comfort. I want to spread my wings! I’ve always given myself broken promises as New Year’s resolutions, but this year, I’m actually going to do them! I will succeed at something this year!

A preview of this month…

  • A new term starts at Caitie’s college. What will she do if her classes get too rough? Will she actually be good at her drawing class?

  • This week, Caitie will talk about her fun adventure during Spring Break! Fun in the sun!!

  • Expect some new clothes when Caitlynne actually wears a dress or two!

  • Caitlynne tells you to stay organized while leading a chaotic life on her own!

  • Will Caitlynne work out and stick to it?

Tune in Tomorrow to see if she does good!

Don’t forget to check out my ko-fi page! 

-C

A Lookback of March

This month was eventful for me. March was tough on my health.

There was family stuff, friend stuff, and financial stuff.

Ah yes. The 3 f’s people either love or hate.

I guess we should start with my personal life, shall we?

My Life

I’ll make this short and sweet so I don’t bum anyone out. My parent’s marriage has never been the strongest, and life has really taken a toll on them. Let’s just say that the day of this post going up, I’ll be talking to my parents and my sister about their marriage.

My friends matter too! Through this month, this has been okay up until this week. This week was Spring Break. Gage and I made plans months ago that we were going to Eugene and seeing some of the city with our friend who lived there.  Sera would be watching Bean for us. Everything was fine with that. Throughout our stay down there, no one wanted to hang out with Sera. Elaina was invited to hang out with Sera’s friend from high school. Sera didn’t like that. They got into a petty-fight and others were involved (they didn’t need to be). Now, they currently aren’t talking from what I’ve heard.

Financially this month was a shitshow. I lost my job in the single digit days. For no reason, I might add. My manager didn’t like me and took me off the schedule. Technically it’s illegal to do, but I don’t care that much. So for most of March, I had no money, barely enough to pay my phone bill. But it’s okay, now. I got a better job, with a higher pay and more hours. How amazing is this? All I have to do is bag groceries.

Now I guess we can move onto the blog’s life!

The Blog

This month for the blog was eventful, but with little events.

I started an experiment. It wasn’t bad, but it worked out… sort of. I decided to go on a different path every month. Whether it be a writing month or a gaming month. The content was different every month. For a while, it was fun, but then it got a little tedious. So, I have next month planned. Let’s see where it takes us.

Another big thing that happened this month was me starting to get my content out there via Adwords. I’m a tiny blogger so I couldn’t do what I wanted yet. I want to get my words out there. So, I have one ad circulating around. I’ve been feeling great about all of the views I’m getting. I know a ton of people say that ‘blogging isn’t about the stats’, but it really is. I love blogging and I wish I could do it full time, so I want to produce quality content for you guys.

Well, that ends how March went for me. How did it go for you guys? Let me know in the comments!

-C