My Situation with College

Recently, I discovered that I hate continuing my education. It’s gotten to the point of me choosing not to do my homework (except for some things) until the end of the term. I know this won’t come with any consequences. I am 95% sure that I will not go back to school after my break. 

Not because I hate doing my homework, or something. School just isn’t for me, anymore. I originally wanted to get a certificate in Web Design, but the classes I’ve been taking made me realize how that’s not for me at all. With my new found knowledge, I want to take my career path in a different direction. 

My friend recently talked about how he hates what he’s going to school for, but he still wants to further his education. So he’ll be talking to his adviser about changing his program. He said that I should wait until the end of my break to see if I still want to go to school (something I already knew but oh well lol). During my break, I’ll be working on what I want to do if I don’t go back to school: Board Game Development. 

I’ve wanted to create a board game for almost 2 years now. I’ve had multiple ideas for some, but I’ve really only stuck through one. My current one, actually. It’s very similar to the game Werewolf/Mafia, but with my ideas shoved in. I will eventually tell you guys about it, but I’m not ready to introduce it.

And now, here I am, stuck in limbo until school ends on the 8th. I really can’t wait, and I’m so so SO excited to not have school for almost four months. I’m ready for the relief of stress to engulf me. I’m ready to pick up my shattered brain from the floor. 

It’s finally time for me to stop wondering what I’ll do in my life, and now to actually do what I want.

-Caitie

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Changing My Ways For Real This Time #1

I decided to change my life. I’m diving into making myself better. For real this time.

I have always dealt with an amount of sadness deep into my core. I’ve lived a pretty rough life so far, and that sadness has amounted to weighing me down. I always feel that the world is on my shoulders, like “If I screw this up, everyone around me will fall too.” I’m ready for this to stop.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up since July. As I write this it’s his birthday. He and I are still friends, it feels better to just be friends too. But he and I were each other’s support systems during our relationship and now he’s struggling with depression. He’s currently taking anti-depressants. I want that, but not through medication. I want to rewire my brain without that help. I want to talk my feelings out of me, while I change my daily habits. If my habits changed, I really believe my thoughts will change.

The first thing I will be changing is stress.  Anything that stresses me, I will work on. The first item on the list is school. I decided to take Winter term off of school, maybe even Spring. During this break, I’ll be working at my job, developing my board game, and cleaning up my life. Smashing out those unnecessary things, like donating some books I don’t want anymore.

This stress also happens because of my laziness. I will be working on my diet and slowly start working out. It’s not something high on my priority list, but I want to live a little bit healthier.

So, at the start of December, I will be finally changing my habits.

-Caitie

When My Worlds Collide

I know I’ve been lacking in posts these past few month(or in general really lol). School has been kicking my butt. Sorry, yall. Hopefully this post will do something for you.

These past three years, I’ve been so secretive with my hobbies. Blogging, crafting, smoking weed (that’s the newest hobby). I’m ready to come out of the fog and introduce you guys to my true life.

When I made this blog, it was just to complain, but then it grew into something else… Something that I can be okay with.

I don’t know a lot of things about myself, and because I’m 20, now, I really think it’s time to go on that journey.

My name is Caitlynne. I live in Oregon, USA. I want to start a board game company. I’m in college studying for web design. I love sweaters, ferrets, manga, anime, and cute things. I’m the type of person who needs to have someone around, whether it be a friend or a relationship.

I have social media that you can follow if you want.

Snapchat- redditmonster

Twitter- watrslooth
Here’s hope that we can restart as being my truest self

-Caitlynne

A Long Overdue Post About How I Suck

Oh boy!  Almost a month without a post from me. Have you guys ever seen that from me? well, technically when I first started blogging I left off for a month so oh well.

So, as you can see the title, I have many reasons to say why I suck and what I suck at.  And when I say I suck, I’m not actually trying to hate myself, I’m just being self-deprecating

1. My Diet

A couple of months ago, I posted something related to how I was going to get healthy and stuff.
I never even started exercising. That was such an easy thing to do for me

ps that was sarcasm
So here I am, sitting in my room with garbage and clothes everywhere.

2. My Messy Room

I’d show you, but that’s a no from me.
I moved here In August. I still don’t have my bookshelf from my ex, and my desk broke when I moved so, I’m still using my computer on my dresser, which has gotten incredibly annoying. I bought a PS4 last week and I planned to put it and my TV on my dresser while my computer sat on my desk.

Apparently, life wants to fuck me with a fork

3. My Car Has Problems

So, just in general my cars lots of issues. Sparkplugs, air filter, a new seal for my sunroof, there’s a short in my hazards, my window switch needs to be replaced… I feel like I can go on lol.

I guess those are some reasons why I SUCK at being human sometimes.

I love you all and I hope to get another post out because I’ve been really busy with school and work. My next post may not even be up for another couple weeks.

Oh well. I hope you have a good day!

-Caitlynne

Problems In My Life| Rant

Today’s post will definitely be a rant. Just a good old rant about things in my life that I hate right now. Fate is not on my side and oh boy is my side troublesome.

Love

I’m not looking to date just yet. It hasn’t even hit 2 months since my ex and I broke up. I’m okay with being single for a while. It’s been hard to adjust back to the regular attention that I get from the people in my life without the attention of a SO. Yeah, I’ve been lonely and need some attention. I just want the love aspect of a relationship without the boy to bog me down. Don’t even get me started on my sex life.

 

Car

So, the thing with my car has been a rollercoaster of a ride. I’ve driven since then ONCE. My car has needed work, so my family and I have been getting it sorted out, but my aunt needs to find the title to the car before I can legally start driving it. I need to go to the DEQ and replace the tags, and I need a title change. I’ve had car insurance on it for a week now. I’m getting tired of asking people for rides to places. I will definitely need it before next week. I start classes then and if I’m still asking for rides, I will be pissed off.

My Room

So, a week or two ago, I said in a post that my room was a mess. Well, it still is. I still need a new desk and I need my bookshelf from my ex. I asked him recently when his dad could take it off the wall, he just responds with “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”

 

Honestly, my life is a trash fire right now and I just needed to rant

-Caitlynne

My Room is a Pigsty || Life Adventures

The end of August really went by slowly for me, not gonna lie. I felt like all I was doing was sitting around at my house or at work. Which funny enough, is really only what I do.

Lately, when I go to hang out with people I watch anime (which has been going on for a long time) or playing DnD with some friends.

When I moved out of my ex’s house, my desk broke. So, right now I am just using my dresser as a desk. Here’s a lil peek 20180902_1031098622225387059775497.jpg

Bleugh picture I know. I just took it.

But since my desk broke, I’m looking for another desk, but I need to take measurements of where it’ll be going but I’ve been busy stressing about life. It doesn’t help that I don’t have my bookshelf yet either. My ex’s dad has been busy with work and hasn’t been able to take it off the wall.

If anyone saw my room, they’d feel very uncomfortable.

I go back to school at the tail end of the month, so I really can’t wait to stop lounging at my house. I’ve gained 20 lbs just from sitting at home. So, expect a post telling you about college!

I still haven’t gotten a car even though I have my license. Well, I have a car. It just has a short in the hazard lights. So I have to take it to a shop and wait a couple weeks just for that to go by.  Currently, it’s just sitting in my grandpa’s driveway. Exhausting, I know. Trust me. It’s not like I want to ask people for rides to work and home or to hang out days.

At least my birthday is next month, right? I’ll be turning 20!

-Caitlynne

2 Year Blogiversary!

I know I already had a post come out today but I don’t care.

Honestly, what can I say? Thank you for being the only one to talk to? Thank you for sticking around for 2 years?

First and foremost: Thank you. Thank you for all of your support these past 2 years. I’m still so happy that I have you guys to support me.

I know this summer has been uneventful post wise, but I do have plans for my future, I just have been super busy with work, traveling and my break up.

I can’t announce any new stuff coming up other than school (I’ll post about it later), and I can’t do a room tour because my room is still a mess.

I really just wanted to say thank you for being with me.

And I know some of you may think “She’s been around for 2 years and hasn’t hit 200 yet?”

Listen I’m not a popular person to want to know about, okay? LEAVE ME ALONE ;-;

I do really owe you guys though, so I want to do a giveaway or a Q&A or something. Let me know what I should do!!

I love you all, really.

-Caitie

Mental Health Update #1

There’s a person we all want to be. Whether you become a stoner or a fitness fanatic, it’s something you worked hard on to become. The person I want to be is happy. To become the person I want to be, I have to do something about my feelings, may as well put them here, right? You guys are always here for me when I need you and you won’t shun me unless I do something REALLY stupid.

With these posts, I will be talking about the big things that affect my mental health each week. These are similar to my life update posts, but these are telling you what mentally happened to me. So, let’s get going, shall we?

1. Boyfriend and I broke up

This happened late last month, actually, but I didn’t want to announce it yet. 

So, if you’ve been following me for a while, my (ex) boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years. Last August I moved in with him and his family when they moved. After we came back from camping, I was going through some stuff and it came out that he wanted to end the relationship. He said that he still loved me(I kind of don’t believe it), and I obviously still loved him (still do). We had to wait a couple weeks until I found a secure place to move with Bean. Last weekend I moved in with one of my best friends and her parents. He and I are still going to be friends.

Things don’t feel like that though.

Ever since I moved out, he’s been as cold and distant as ever (I expected that so don’t call me a cold-hearted bitch). I know he’s going through some issues, especially with his anxiety. But he won’t even talk to me. He only talks to the rest of our friends, which I get. He doesn’t want to see me because it hurts. But, I can’t tell if he wants to be my friend or not because he doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t say a word to me. Any time that we had been in a car by ourselves after our breakup. it’s been dead silent.

Another thing related to this, I had a dream a couple days ago that he was already looking around for another girlfriend (which definitely hurt when I woke up) and I had noticed that he and the friend I moved in with talk more than he and I do. That somehow got into my head that they have a thing going on behind my back. I still don’t know what to believe with that.

This is turning into a rant about my ex lol.

2. Depression

This goes hand in hand with my breakup. Ever since he and I broke up, the sad little monkey on my back has returned and has been beating my brain to a pulp. It’s telling me that I will die alone or none of my friends like me, or that my ex wants me to die… Stuff like that. I can’t confirm whether these things are true or not. I don’t think I need antidepressants or therapy because I know that with time, this will heal. It has happened before. When my grandmother died, I was like this. I just need a couple months to heal this pain.

 

I know these sound very extreme, and my friends will probably be concerned, but none of my offline friends read my blog, so I should be good. I hope this didn’t depress you too much. I’m just going through heartbreak pain, I’ll be okay soon… Hopefully.

If you need anyone to talk to about important topics like these, I’m in the same boat, we could talk.

If you cannot talk to anyone with similar topics above, please do something about it. Write it down, schedule a therapy session, or use Vent. Vent is an app that you vent feelings to. Trust me, you’ll need. Even I use it. Push here to go.

Well, this ends today’s sad depressing talk about my sad depressing life. I hope you have a good day. I’m working on my depression, don’t worry too much. I’m always available to talk if you need it.

Peace out ✌

Legally Driving??|| Life Adventures

Wow, it sure has been a while since I posted one of these Or in general. My life has been kind of crazy lately and I wanted to blog about it. So, let’s start out with the obvious…

I got my license

For not many of you, you could possibly remember my post two years ago saying that I got my permit. That just seems crazy to me. The end of this month will be my blogiversary of 2 years and to think that I got my license before it is pretty exciting. I don’t have a running car yet, so I can’t drive myself until I do, so that means I’ll be hitching rides and walking to places until then lol.

School’s starting up again

You know what that means! More school posts! *cheers* woo! yeah! But on the other hand, I may have to take out loans for school due to the fact that I took too many credits last year and my school has a limit on credits with financial aid. I’m currently trying to get an extension, but we’ll see

I’ll be seeing you in the future

-Caitlynne

The Big Ones: Poverty Pt. 2

Previously on the last post…

My parents still live in the motorhome, and they both have a job. They just don’t earn enough to save up for an apartment in our area, and my grandpa relies on my dad to him with yard work and stuff on the “farm”.

Since this post is kinda long and I still have more to talk about, I’m going to be breaking it up into two posts.

With this being the second post to me breaking down my mental barriers, I figured I would talk about how I “got over” being poor.

This really doesn’t need to be said but If you are dealing with mental issues, please seek help. There are therapists and counselors waiting for you to be with them.

How I dealt with being poor

That’s just it. I deal with it. I moved out last summer, paid my bills with my paychecks. Got a credit card to build up my credit.

With that credit card, I bought Bean and all her essentials. I paid all of my bills on time (except for when I forgot to pay for my phone service but that’s different).

When I lost my job at the sandwich shop, I had already been looking for a new job with little success. Two or three weeks later, I got my grocery store job (where I’m at now). At the sandwich shop, I got a maximum of 12 hours a week while getting paid every two weeks. It really sucked. With my job now, I’m getting at least 12 hours a week and getting paid every Thursday.

I pay off my credit card payments with my school stipend, but since it’s summer, I pay for it with my paychecks.

How I managed to stay sane during it all

I always had hope in my head. “I’ll get out of this eventually”, and I still keep that thought. I know living paycheck to paycheck is the rest of some people lives, and I hope I’m not one of them. I have so many plans for my future. Blogging, board game creation, web development…

I also had people to lean on when I was upset. I had my boyfriend to comfort me when things were in a really bad spot. Or even to give me money when I needed it. He asked his parents to pay for me to get my permit, and on the 18th, I will have money with me when I go take my driver’s test.

Life isn’t as bad as some people make it out to be, especially when they don’t talk about their home life. 

Poverty is so very hard to deal with, but some people can break out of that spell.

I hope to be one of them.

-Caitlynne