My Friend’s Negativity

So, you might be confused by the title. This post is not about my current friends. My current friends are amazing for me. They don’t cause any drama for me, they can handle jokes, etc.

This post is about my old friends. My high school friends. I hate talking about them this way because they were a staple in my life for a long time, but some things end for the better. I won’t say names, or be too vague or too specific (that got me in trouble last time). I’ll change names if I have to.

My friends were pretty negative people. Some of them had depression, some of them were transgender or just gay. Either way, they had started at least one fight in our friend group. I’m not trying to point fingers, and I know I did wrong too. This is about how they affected me negatively. And, because they were so toxic for me, they taught me to grow and learn from them. It’s because of them I have my new friends. So, let’s lead into how they were toxic.

Drama every week

Or at least it felt like it. The first 2 years were rough. There was a fight at the table once or twice a week. I will say, that I fueled some of those fires. There was a couple in the group who were very toxic to each other’s health. The girl was controlling and kind of rude(you’ll remember her) and the boy needed help with depression and finding his true self (the girl inside him). My best friend at the time hated the girl and was very close to the boy. During our sophomore year, they broke up and things were better. The girl started to fit the group more by getting to know the people in it, rather than sticking to her best friend. while the boy transitioned.

Big changes to me

At the end of that year, my grandmother died. I only told the people that were closest to me (my boyfriend and 2 of my best friends) about her death. This really affected how I saw my friends over the summer break. When school came back, I was meek and more introverted than I had ever been.- and I was a social butterfly. I stopped talking to everyone during lunch, I did all of my homework in class, and when I got home, I just sat around (playing games and watch youtube).

Junior year was everyone’s discovery year. Gays were discovered but not announced, hobbies were found, and we started to find ourselves. My ex (we broke up this past summer. Now friends, we’re cool guys) started to hang out more with his “guy friends”. They were his middle school friends before he joined our group. They all knew who I was, but didn’t know about me. They only saw me as his girlfriend. I had Choir with some of them, and that’s all they knew about me.

When Junior year came to an end, we were all ecstatic and confused. People came out and were supported. Some got jobs, for me, all I did was lounge at home or be with my ex. I was still recovering from my grandmother passing (honestly I still am). That was the summer of my discovery. I asked my ex if I should a blog, and he asked what was stopping me.

That was the summer I was done with everyone’s shit. I wanted to be an individual, write my own story, become myself. I got my permit and started this blog before senior year.

The Discovery

Tip to Be Successful #1. Don’t talk shit about people online at all whatsoever, because they’ll find it.

That girl from before? Well, during Junior year, she got herself another boyfriend. When she’s in a relationship, (at least at the time) she became toxic. She was mean and nasty. She talked behind everyone’s backs. I was lonely during Junior year and got really close to her. So, I joined in on her negative actions. I wasn’t taking that in Senior year. She and her boyfriend were negative together. Well, I talked badly about most of my friends at the start of my blogging career (I feel bad now, but I wasn’t in a good place. It’s my fault, but everyone’s actions caused it).

The couple found my blog and we quietly terminated the friendship. I wasn’t ready to talk to her until a couple days before graduation. No matter what people believed, I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to face her, not until I did some real hard thinking. After the apology, the counselor asked if we thought we could be friends again. She said yes. I didn’t want to be friends with her after all she had done to me over the years. I responded with “I’m just not ready to be friends again” or something like that. We left quietly and didn’t speak until October at our mutual friends birthday dinner. The last time we spoke was at the same mutual friends birthday party last year. We were civil and had a good conversation both times, but I think we’re too different to be friends now.

Now

Now, my life feels dramatically different than what I was like in high school. I don’t hang out with pretty much all of those friends anymore. I only hang out with two, and I see a couple every once in a while. Now, I hang out with my ex and his guy friends. They accepted me when we were together, and when we broke up.

I know I talked about my ex a lot, but 5 years is a long time.

He’s kind of the reason why I met and started dating my boyfriend now. If I left the group when we broke up, I wouldn’t have started thinking he was cute. I really appreciate my ex for what he’s done for me. He is probably the reason why I’m this way now.

My boyfriend now, he’s really caring. He makes me so happy, and when I’m upset, he will use all his power to make me talk to him and get me in a better mood. He changed his days off for me- and he works full time. That’s not common in America anymore. We’re both very similar and I love him so very much.

My high school friends really affected me. Maybe it wasn’t as negative as I thought…

-Caitie

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